The Friendless Christian Leader

It's been exactly six months since I graduated from Gordon-Conwell with my D.Min. I have taught on my topic once or twice since then, but somewhere back in my mind I know that I need to pick it up again and find out if there is a way to find a greater distribution for my thesis. The big hurdle is taking it from an academic format and re-working into a more popular format. Pray that I would find the motivation to take this task on. Maybe your feedback will help me get going.

I have attached most of my first chapter below. Let me know what your thoughts are.

CHAPTER ONE -- INTRODUCTION

A great deal has been written on the importance and effectiveness of “servant leadership”, based on the ministry and model of Jesus. Servant leadership is important, and has become a well-developed leadership principle within the Church and even in the business community. But Jesus didn’t stop with “servant leadership”. He took leadership with the disciples to the next level when he stated, “I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.” (John 15:15 -- NIV). This is the key verse of this thesis. There has been an unfortunate tendency to stop at servant leadership as if it was the final destiny of leadership. When this is done, leadership remains emotionally safe, but effectively distant from the place of maximum impact. This thesis will demonstrate how the ingredient of friendship is essential to maximum influence in the lives of others. The development of this idea will answer the question of, “How does leadership that incorporates friendship result in increased effectiveness?”

Rationale for the Project
Friends are perhaps the most powerful influencers in the world. They often exercise greater power over individuals than family, bosses and political powers. Their influence is very personal, current, active and takes place within the immediate context of life. Their care, their touch and their encouragement, all come together to form a powerful culture that shapes decisions, behavior and psychological and spiritual perspective. Consequently, friends affect behavior within businesses, churches, families and all other networks of people. Within the fabric of society, friendships form an informal network of power that has scarcely been acknowledged. These networks have formed partnerships creating some of the greatest corporations. They also constitute the fabric of the networks of volunteers in charities, sports, schools, churches and just about every organization that exists.
It was Jesus who modeled a leadership style that made friendship the central point of relationship from which His influence sprang forth. It is this powerful component of His leadership that this paper will develop.
People today are looking for caring and approachable leaders. They are looking for relational leaders with whom they will have a sense of walking on a mutually shared path. This is a subject of particular relevance for Christian leaders. Pastors have become isolated from friendship, and have often been taught to keep “safely distant” from the people they lead and serve. Because of this, these leaders are often left isolated, lonely, and out of touch from the real needs of people. Not surprisingly, H.B London Jr. has found that “most members of the clergy feel isolated, insecure, and only rarely affirmed.”[1] This paper will challenge the ideas that militate against the formation of friendships while examining their origin as well as their validity.
A leader’s ability to influence, as well as the respect that people have for them, are both enhanced through a sincere, caring and authentic relationship. The greatest influencers in the lives of people go beyond the boundaries of professionalism. The relationships that influence the most include caring and sharing at a heart-felt, real-life level. It is unfortunate that friendship as an important and indispensable aspect of leadership, has not only been overlooked, but also shunned.
This thesis is an appeal to return to a value of friendship that has been largely forgotten by modern, Western civilization. “No one,” wrote Aristotle in his Nicomachean Ethics, “would choose to live without friends, even if he had all other goods.”[2] Although this may have been true in Aristotle’s day, in the 21st century, Western culture is full of people who live without friends and instead spend their days in the pursuit of “all other goods”. Aristotle, like many of the ancient philosophers, classified philia as one of the highest virtues of life. He linked it to the fabric of the state, politics and society. Plato, Epictetus and Cicero also devoted writings to the subject of friendship. To the Stoics and the Epicureans, friendship was a virtue that made life worth living. Friendship was “the foundation of the Greek city state, and in the earlier period of the Roman empire it was the ‘glue’ that bound men, cities, and the world together…All the classical schools argued that thought was meaningless without action, but action was meaningless without the fruition of friendships.”[3] Today friendship is viewed as a luxury of society rather than the fabric upon which it is built and maintained.
Somehow Christians have failed to give friendship its rightful emphasis in writing, preaching and practice. C.S. Lewis makes an interesting observation of the role of friendship within the history of western society: “According to the Ancients, Friendship seemed the happiest and most fully human of all loves; the crown of life in the school of virtue. The modern world, in comparison, ignores it.”[4]
Today there is a movement to no longer ignore the value and the virtue of friendship. Post-moderns are seeking deeper relationships and place a much higher value on friendship than previous generations. This relational emphasis has application and expression in multiple levels of life. It not only characterizes a new generation, but also has become the expressed longing of a society that has become increasingly distant from one another. Leaders are in a position to address these challenges. The Church is the place where friendship can be taught, modeled and received. This expresses the cry of the heart of our society for deeper relationships. The intent of this thesis is to develop during this critical time in the current cultural atmosphere.
People are longing for intimacy – but the skills of healthy relationships are often neglected, leading to “safer” forms of intimacy such as email, chatting and instant messaging. These mediums have created a way to have “safe” relationships. But they are poor substitutes for “real” relationships. The answer to this human longing is a renaissance of friendship, modeled and taught be leaders who can see this need met in the way that God has designed.

Intended Outcome
The purpose of this thesis is to develop the idea that the most effective leadership in the church includes the ingredient of friendship. It will develop various aspects of this idea in order to present a clear case for the importance of this value. The intended outcome hope of this project is to bring the value of friendship to the forefront of the thinking of church leaders by developing this idea as it applies theologically, organizationally and philosophically. The end result will be the development of a leadership principle that will help leaders be more effective by becoming intentional in helping others find ways of allowing friendship to flourish.
This paper will show the fundamental need for friendship to be incorporated into Christian leadership paradigms, based on an examination of Scripture, particularly the life and teachings of Jesus Christ. This paper will examine the biblical mandate of friendship and offer a call to leaders to both implement and encourage its practice.
This paper will examine the reasons behind teachings that discourage leaders from engaging in friendship, and how leaders’ effectiveness has been thwarted through this misconception.
This thesis sets out to develop and prove the idea that leadership that cares by incorporating the qualities of friendship, is more effective than leadership that does not. “Leadership that cares: How intentional friendship revolutionizes leadership,” will define friendship for the context of leadership. It will look at how friendship with God, with self, and with others is all-important. This paper will primarily examine how friendship with others is at the center of one’s ability to be an effective leader.
[1] Mills, K. (1996). Who Ministers to the Minister? Pastor's Family Magazine.

[2] Aristotle (1962). Nicomachean Ethics. Indianapolis, Bobbs-Merrill.

[3] Houston, J. (1989). The Transforming Friendship. Oxford, Lion Publishing.

[4] Lewis, C. S. (1988). The Four Loves. Orlando, Harcourt Brace & Company.