I just found this article on the web...written 4 years ago and featuring our staff at EFC...
BOTHEL, Wash. — Psychologists tell us that one of the most stressful occupations is that of a minister. Today's minister, husband and father faces age-old challenges with a renewed awareness of the need for balance between their ministerial duties and their family priorities."It's easy for boundaries to blur when your job is wrapped up in church life, your schedule gets busy, you don't work just from 8 to 5," said Chuck Shocki of Eastside Foursquare Church. "I've seen the wreckage of other ministers' families. You have to find ways to include your family and invest in their lives."Matt Messner, minister of pastoral care at Eastside Foursquare and father of two, has also seen the damage upclose. "I know enough people who sacrificed their family for the sake of their ministry, and in the end they have neither," Messner said.Although the balancing act between time and energy for the ministry versus family needs may sometimes be fragile, five local dads have found the benefits to their marriage and family life are worth setting solid priorities and boundaries.Randy Aufrecht, father of 5- and 7-year-old children, serves as the information system and technology manager at Overlake Christian. "Sometimes ministry comes first to get a particular job done," Aufrecht said. "I make sure my kids know they're loved and why I'm doing that one thing. My wife goes to work early so I spend mornings with our kids."Aufrecht said it is important to him to make sure his 5- and 7-year-old children know they and their mom are a priority in his life. "I put my relationship with God first," he said. "Where I'm going with God is top priority, then family, then ministry."After the children go to bed, nightowls Randy and Jennifer enjoy their couple time. He and his wife also work together in volunteer ministry as Awana co-commanders."It's very special to work together as a couple, and as a family when our kids are involved," Aufrecht said. "Then it's a family activity, not something where the kids will feel left out."Setting boundariesLike the Aufrechts, Kurt Langstraat's wife goes to work early while he makes breakfast and lunches for their 10 and 12-year-old children, prays with them and sees them off to school at the bus stop. As worship pastor for Overlake Christian Church, multiple weekend services keep him busy, which prompted the establishment of some ground rules to guide future decisions."Having good boundaries is essential," Langstraat said. "Some times are sacred for the family and that I'll not give up. We reserve Sunday, after church services are over until bedtime, as family time and make decisions together about what to do with that time."The family balances Langstraat's morning sessions with afternoon time with mom. "My wife is always home when they get off the school bus," Langstraat said. "We also try to keep open communications with our kids."Other family priorities include an evening meal twice a week, "date nights" with each child, annual guys and girls overnighters, Friday afternoon couple time and bedtime prayers.With three teens, ages 13, 15, 19 and an almost 21-year-old, Chuck Shocki and his wife have their plates full. He is adult and student ministries director at Eastside Foursquare Church."Like anything, there are pluses and minuses," Shocki said. "It's a wonderful opportunity to be able to live out to your children the privilege of serving Christ in whatever we do." He admits there are times when full-time ministry is a mixed blessing, times when priorities appear to conflict. "It would be improper to give lavishly to one side of the equation at the expense of the other," said Shocki.A balancing actWhile all five fathers spoke of priorities and boundaries, Messner joined Shocki in emphasizing the need for balance. In addition to his position at the church, Messner's wife is also on staff at Eastside. Motivated by observation, experience and biblical interpretation, they view their primary ministry being to their immediate family, which includes an 8-year-old son and 10-year-old daughter."A personal value of my primary ministry being to my family helps me keep things in balance," said Messner. "A key value is that if you don't manage your family well, how can you minister to others?"There are so many evening meetings and Sunday activities, I must protect family night, vacation time and days off to make sure I invest and don't miss out on being a partner and parent."Dave Marrujo is a pastor with a young family, children ages 5, 3 and 1. Their eldest daughter is also autistic, posing an additional challenge to family life. To help, the couple is involved with FEAT or Families for Early Autism Treatment. They are also helping start a pilot program for autistic children. Marrujo said he tries to encourage his wife by supporting her interest in art classes. Family vacations are also a priority.As assistant pastor and children's minister at Eastside Foursquare Church in Bothel, he tries to hold his work week to under 50 hours. He derives great joy from being a children's pastor."I help put the kids to bed," said Marrujo. "I put a lot of energy and effort into my family, focusing on sewing good traits into our kid's personalities to set them on course for life. It's easier to build a child than to repair an adult!"Published by Keener Communications Group, June 2001
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