Going Off-Line
By Matt Messner
December 18, 2016
#MerryChristmas
#QuittingSocialMedia #Learningtosayno
More and more of my friends
are quitting social media entirely. I miss
their posts, but I get it.
It used to be that
only some people were on call for limited periods of time. This is no longer true. Thanks to our smartphones, we are all
available to “everyone” 24 hours a day, seven days a week (As of 2015 68% of
all American adults have smartphones).
People send us (“us”
meaning every one of us with a smartphone) messages to our phones demanding
meetings, a call, or an immediate reply.
It doesn’t matter what we are doing or what time of the day or night
that it is.
In our sincere desire
to be caring, we try to meet these demands and to respond to these requests.
It used to be that
when a minor crisis hit us we had to prayerfully process the situation. We had to wait a couple of days to address the
situation. We had to meet with someone
face to face. The waiting period allowed
for our emotional decompression and for God to meet this “need” through other
means.
Now we are able to
immediately post (vent, rant, etc.) our problems for the world to see. Screaming into the void easily takes the
forms of slander and gossip – bringing a very negative and sometimes hostile
tone to the atmosphere of our social network.
When we are
frustrated about something, social media also allows us to go directly to the person
in charge, sending them a private message, expecting a quick response.
Expressing ourselves in
these ways brings us an immediate sense of gratification, while burdening our
“friends”.
Here are two
important questions to consider before sending an impulsive message or
post:
1. Have we become more co-dependent and less
God-dependent?
2. Are the expectations and demands that we put
on some of the people in our lives unrealistic?
If you have a
smartphone, here is some advice:
·
Be
sensitive to the demands that you make of your leaders (and friends). Some people understand the “big picture” of
how many groups and individuals are requesting their time (especially during
the holidays), but most people do not think about this (I see this especially
with pastors and ministers). Most people
(myself included) desperately want to meet everyone’s needs and expectations,
but cannot possibly do it. Attempting to
do so often comes at the expense of one’s family or personal health. We don’t want to disappoint people, but we cannot
meet every demand. When we try to meet
the demands without establishing clear boundaries of our limitations, we
disappoint people and feel the strain in those relationships. This is unfortunate since this does not mean
that we do not value a group, or love a person.
In fact, the opposite is true. We
just haven’t learned to say “no”.
·
Learn to
say “no”. It is up to each one of us to
train the people in our lives that we are not on call. Just because a person can message you does
not require an immediate response. You
don’t have to feel guilty by responding at a more appropriate time for
you. You are not being antisocial
media. You don’t have to throw out your
smartphone to create some breathing room in your life.
I am not going to
quit social media, but I am learning to say “no” more often and I am learning
to not feel obligated to immediately respond to every demand. This isn’t selfishness, or a lack of
love. It is self-preservation,
prioritization and perhaps one way that we can help everyone lean on God a
little bit more while still loving one another.
Can you relate?
Matt Messner is the Lead Pastor at Faith
Center Foursquare Church in Eureka, California.
He also is a faculty member at King’s College and Seminary. At least for right now you can find him on
Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.
www.eurekafaithcenter.org
1 comment:
Thanks Pastor Matt. That puts a new perspective on things.
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