This is an outline that I will be working with for the next two weeks at the Eastside Men's Growth breakfasts. It has more information than I will cover during the 25 minute "devotional". Hopefully there are some tools the Lord will use to encourage you to grow as you relate to your "significant other."
A Man and His (God's) Woman
Intro: Physical/Vocational vs. relational challenges.
1. Discovering our Purpose and Calling
Why are you married?
**Convenience, economics, sex, self-fulfillment, happiness, personal needs met?
Genesis 1:27
**What does this have to do with purpose? (To reflect the image of God fully)
**Ephesians 5:21-33 value, respect, submission to Christ and others
Jeremiah 29:11 "I know the plans I have for you, not to harm, but plans for a hope and a future." -Apply this to your marriage, your family
Our purpose: to glorify God and to grow in Christ-likeness.
The purpose of marriage is to help you grow in Christ-likeness
Ephesians 5:25-31
Nowhere does the Bible say it will be easy, in fact, if Christ's love for the Church is the model, it will be difficult sometimes.
Therefore:
We are a family that serves the Lord
We are a ministering family
o My wife and I have a unique purpose, but our individual purpose is enhanced together. (They are not at odds with each other)
o We also have a one-flesh purpose. There are unique things that God will cause us to do together. Our overall abilities are multiplied. One flesh: When relationship between people and God broken, brokenness entered human relationship.
Whole Person Marriage
-A total sharing of the total person for the total life
-More than just an arrangement
-Made for growth into Christ-likeness
-Not just convenience - convenience belittles God's intention
-The goal is a one flesh relationship - this was broken at the fall
Social/Cultural, Physical/Sexual, Emotional, Intellectual, Spiritual.
A whole marriage is not a one-time decision. Intimacy is an action. It requires communication. Communication takes patience, hard work, and time.
Knowing is a growing experience. It is a process, when it involves broken people.
It doesn't mean you have to do everything together; it's about involving the other in your life.
This is the ideal and speaks of the value of companionship.
A total sharing of the total person for the total life = Intimacy
This definition speaks of what God's intent was back when he created Adam & Eve.
2. Fostering a relationship of honesty.
Honesty requires safety.
The conviction that authenticity and honesty must exist within the marriage relationship
Ephesians 4:15 "Speaking the truth in love"
3. Learning to Communicate
Communication skills can be learned (additional hand-out)
4. Learning to disagree without fighting
Conflict resolution: Attacking the problem not each other. Approaching problems as a team.
5. Being a spiritual man
The conviction that worship and prayer must be an integral part of the marriage and family
As a family our spirituality is tested and experienced
Home as a Redemptive Center for Worship
I can't give you a formula, but I know there are some basic elements to this.
I also know that it probably should be a way of living, more so than a daily event.
What does worship look like in the home?
-Create an environment of worship
-Spontaneous prayer
-Read devotionals
-Relationships change
-Object lessons in life circumstances
-Not rigid on spouse or children
-Music and prayer base = atmosphere of peace, joy, love
When you don't know what else to do (depressed, sick, decisions, loss, relationship conflict) WORSHIP
6. Modeling God's Love (Caring) 1 Cor 13.
The conviction that we seek the highest good and the success of one another
The greatest test of my love and the greatest expression of love will take place in the context of my family. Again, this is the greatest test of our love. Why is it that we reserve our worst behavior for those that we love the most?
Family/marriage is not a competitive environment. It cannot be a controlling environment, or one of domination.
How does this relate to discipline (Principle of love)? This will hurt me more than it hurts you. Being firm, but gentle.
The principle of love reminds me that my spouse is valuable (1 Peter 3:7)
I have a healthy respect for her.
Egalitarian. In many Christian couples (especially), if the husband is a strong Christian, the woman's role is relegated to childrearing and housekeeping.
One on one time, family time, is important. Set dates, set times. Intimacy takes time, as does communication. The one flesh relationship requires the investment of time.
Let's talk about a loving environment.
I want her to fulfill her__________(dreams).
I come not to be ________(served) but to be ________(serve).
I want her to experience joy and fulfillment
I want her to know that she is ________(loved) and _______(cared for).
I want us to ________(keep strong) when seasons_____(change).
Iwant her to learn to love_______(Jesus) more.
Ephesians 5:25-33: The other big challenge.
7. Challenge of righteous living
The conviction that we have different standards of behavior than the world
Basically, if I can just be a man of God, a lot falls into place.
8. Challenge of the promise keeper
The conviction that without this there is no stability, no foundation
I________, take you_________, to be my wedded wife/husband; and I promise, to be your loving and faithful wife/husband, in plenty and in want, in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health, as long as we both shall live. Before God and these witnesses
The God we serve is a covenant God. He has made a covenant with us, and the power of promise is what every one of us relies on in our relationship with God. That same type of commitment must be extended to one another. It creates great safety and security.
When I do a wedding, I say that the decision you are making today, will answer a lot of questions that you will have in the future.
Covenant between humankind and God was broken, at the fall. A covenant is what holds things together. A redeemed couple, has a covenant that is intact.
People have said to me, "Pastor, we don't love one another anymore." What does this mean? Feelings vs. commitment.
Relationships are founded on Covenant. Adam and Eve=covenant. One flesh was based on a covenant.
2 types of couples: Those who go through hard times and make it, and those that don't. What sustains them? Covenant, usually. Unconditional love.
9. Challenge of Forgiveness
The conviction that forgiveness and grace are indispensable.
We need grace for ourselves (from God), His forgiveness, and the ability to extend that to our spouse. The goals that we set are high, but this sets us on a course of continual growth and discovery. Don't be condemned or overwhelmed, just keep growing one step at a time.
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